Newborn Shoot with Caiden...Sort of

i had my heart set on doing

 an "official" newborn shoot with caiden.

and then time got away from me.

the other men in my life needed me.

laundry got dirty.

dishes began to pile.

sleep was required.

life happened.

but i did manage to squeeze in a few sweet moments

in front of the camera.

like these.

and then there were flowers

i didn't have to pick.

to go along with the meals

i didn't have to cook.*

that allowed me to catch my breath 

and capture more moments like this.

to enjoy this little one.

with his tiny lashes.

and tiny hands.

tiny expressions.

and tiny feet. 

 tiny gazes.

that melt my heart.

but i must say,

(and i think i speak for all moms)

 tiny rests are the best.

*

special thanks to our church community

for reaching out 

and helping all of us squeeze in a few

more (much needed) tiny rests.

Waiting for Eli

and just like we couldn't wait to meet our
dear caiden,
this family is also waiting
to meet their little boy.

waiting for him to fill these shoes.

waiting to meet their eli.

and welcome him into their family.

a little boy from so far away.

one who is very much in their hearts.

even though he is yet in their arms.

waiting for him to experience a home.

full of laughter
and grace
and love.

thanks to the dilbecks for allowing me do this special mini session.

can't wait to see eli with you.

welcome to our world.

caiden's first hours of life.

so much being done to him and around him.

 measuring.

 listening.

observing.

so many new things to feel.

so many people wanting to love on you.

like big brother and nana.

and who wouldn't want to be loved on by them?

and daddy.

"tickle, tickle, tickle"

dawson's little hands on those tiny feet.

his first visitors.

jana and amy.

the first person to (literally) lay hands on him,

our labor and delivery nurse.

quite possibly the best nurse we could have EVER asked for.

...

and now for life outside of the hospital.

 heading home

with one sweet baby.

and one full family.

welcome to our world, 

little one.

caiden's arrival (part 3)

my labor progresses,

but much slower than i

or the doctor would like.

after my water had been broken

and several hours had gone by,

i'm only at 6 cm.

they begin the pitocin.

the contractions get stronger and a little more consistent.

this goes on for about 5 hours.

finally they are 2 minutes apart.
and right about now

that epidural starts to wear off.

can i just say

i have a whole new respect for women

 who do this without the use of any drugs?

time to push.

i ask,

"about how long is this part going to take?"

"could be up to 2 hours," she says.

oh, good grief.

but thankfully,

that was not the case with me.

after pushing through just 4 contractions

he was almost here.

then the nurse says,

"don't you laugh. don't you cough."
"we're waiting on the doctor to get here."

what?

i wasn't waiting on anyone.

another contraction on the way already and one final push...

and caiden was here.
(the doctor made it just in time.)

12:56am
july 25
7 lbs, 6.25 oz

welcome to our family sweet boy.

caiden's arrival (part 2)

it's about 2pm on tuesday.

i'm in the labor and delivery room

waiting for the anesthesiologist to start the epidural.

i had one with dawson. 

i felt prepared.

he explained what to do.

how to sit.

so here i am, trying to do exactly as he says.

anselmo's strong arms keeping me steady.

the sound of the doctor's utensils (or whatever he was using)

clanging into a container.

the needle and catheter go in.

it stings, but not too badly.

and then i hear him say,

"i hit a blood vessel."

"we have to do it all over again."

really?

sigh.

it happens, right? 

nurses have to redo their work all the time when they're searching for a vein, right?

pretty normal, i thought.

he pulls out the catheter.

i hear all of the clanging again.

he says, "hold still."

we start all over.

the epidural is finally in.

waste down starts to go numb.

so then comes the questioning.

"do you have ringing in your ears?"

no.

"do you have the taste of metal in your mouth?"

no.

good. everything is fine.

or so it seems.

he leaves to attend to another patient.

then the ringing in the ears begins.

i get really jittery.

i tell my nurse about the ringing and the jitters.

a few minutes had gone by and

neither one of us had checked the monitor.

when we finally do look at the monitor

it starts to make sense.

my heart rate is going up.

and keeps going up.

the nurse gets the oxygen mask

and puts it on me.

 my heart feels like it is literally beating out of my chest.

the nurse is trying to stay calm.

i can see it on her face, but i hear some concern in her voice

as she phones the anesthesiologist. 

she explains to him what is going on.

he comes back in the room.

my heart rate is now 182.

182. hello.

my blood pressure is 200 over 20.

big deep breaths.

breathe in slowly. breathe out slowly.

"just stay calm," i say to myself.

 i am looking at anselmo

and i mouth the words,

"please, pray."

i am not gonna lie.

this girl was scared.

my heart was racing out of control.

what i didn't know (and was later informed by the anesthesiologist) 

 was that with an epidural

a test dose of epinephrine goes in as it is being applied.

so maybe i got a double dose.

one straight in the blood vessel.

one in the spine.

or maybe epidurals just have that side affect with some people.

i don't know.

all i know is that i was hoping and praying

that i wasn't about to black out.

that i would actually get to see my child being born.

that the next five minutes weren't going to intel wheeling me off

to the emergency room.

and sure enough,

just like the doctor said it would,

 the epinephrine began to wear off.

my heart rate and blood pressure stabilized.

caiden was fine.

anselmo and i,

on the other hand,

were a bit freaked out.

and thankful at the same time

for God's goodness

in that we were all still together

hours away from meeting our baby boy.

...

caiden's arrival (part 1)

caiden.

it means, "spirit of battle".

and, boy did we battle it out the days leading up to his birth.

54 long hours, 

beginning on a sunday evening

and ending in the wee hours of a wednesday morning.

i had been having contractions all week.

hoping they would continue.

i would have about 5

and then nothing.

but, sunday was different.

they wouldn't go away.

but, they weren't very consistent either.

just painful.

painful enough to keep me up all night.

painful enough to make me want 

to throw in the towel and have a repeat c-section.

(nothing wrong with c-sections. i just was really hoping for a vbac this time around.)

i go to the doctor on monday.

i'm checked.

2 cm....2 cm.

really?

that's it?

"keep your appointment for tomorrow," he says.

"this could go on all week," he says.

ugh.

seriously rethinking a c-section.

but, we battle it out. 

contraction after contraction.

no sleep.

pacing. hoping. 

they get about 8 minutes apart.

we make it until tuesday morning's appointment.

i am both exhausted and surprised that i

haven't run to the maternity floor begging for a c-section.

i'm checked again.

almost 4 cm.

(i think she was being generous.)

but, 

there was good news...

she tells me to go to the hospital.

she fills out some paperwork.

and...

looks like we're gonna have a baby this day.

or are we?

we make it to the hospital.

have i mentioned that i've never had a baby in the states before?

i don't have a clue what i'm doing.

i show up with my paper.

and my contractions.

they hook me up to a monitor in triage.

the nurses seem doubtful.

and i am just praying they don't send me home.

then something happens.

i have a contraction.

i try to move to lesson the pain.

the belt slides.

but so does caiden's heart rate.

to about 45.

a nurse and the doctor come dashing in.

"all bets are off," she says.

"if that happens again, no vbac for you."

yes, ma'am. whatever you say, ma'am.

we wait.

the contractions still aren't consistent.

just painful.

caiden's heart rate remains good.

so, i'm admitted and

i get my own room.

we've decided at this point to delay the pitocin. 

(whew. i am not a big fan of pitocin. it scares me.)

we're going to break my water first.

but before we do any of that,

there is the question of the epidural.

oh, the drama of that epidural

...

(to be continued)