caiden's arrival (part 2)

it's about 2pm on tuesday.

i'm in the labor and delivery room

waiting for the anesthesiologist to start the epidural.

i had one with dawson. 

i felt prepared.

he explained what to do.

how to sit.

so here i am, trying to do exactly as he says.

anselmo's strong arms keeping me steady.

the sound of the doctor's utensils (or whatever he was using)

clanging into a container.

the needle and catheter go in.

it stings, but not too badly.

and then i hear him say,

"i hit a blood vessel."

"we have to do it all over again."

really?

sigh.

it happens, right? 

nurses have to redo their work all the time when they're searching for a vein, right?

pretty normal, i thought.

he pulls out the catheter.

i hear all of the clanging again.

he says, "hold still."

we start all over.

the epidural is finally in.

waste down starts to go numb.

so then comes the questioning.

"do you have ringing in your ears?"

no.

"do you have the taste of metal in your mouth?"

no.

good. everything is fine.

or so it seems.

he leaves to attend to another patient.

then the ringing in the ears begins.

i get really jittery.

i tell my nurse about the ringing and the jitters.

a few minutes had gone by and

neither one of us had checked the monitor.

when we finally do look at the monitor

it starts to make sense.

my heart rate is going up.

and keeps going up.

the nurse gets the oxygen mask

and puts it on me.

 my heart feels like it is literally beating out of my chest.

the nurse is trying to stay calm.

i can see it on her face, but i hear some concern in her voice

as she phones the anesthesiologist. 

she explains to him what is going on.

he comes back in the room.

my heart rate is now 182.

182. hello.

my blood pressure is 200 over 20.

big deep breaths.

breathe in slowly. breathe out slowly.

"just stay calm," i say to myself.

 i am looking at anselmo

and i mouth the words,

"please, pray."

i am not gonna lie.

this girl was scared.

my heart was racing out of control.

what i didn't know (and was later informed by the anesthesiologist) 

 was that with an epidural

a test dose of epinephrine goes in as it is being applied.

so maybe i got a double dose.

one straight in the blood vessel.

one in the spine.

or maybe epidurals just have that side affect with some people.

i don't know.

all i know is that i was hoping and praying

that i wasn't about to black out.

that i would actually get to see my child being born.

that the next five minutes weren't going to intel wheeling me off

to the emergency room.

and sure enough,

just like the doctor said it would,

 the epinephrine began to wear off.

my heart rate and blood pressure stabilized.

caiden was fine.

anselmo and i,

on the other hand,

were a bit freaked out.

and thankful at the same time

for God's goodness

in that we were all still together

hours away from meeting our baby boy.

...